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Grieving Something Other Than Human

Grief is a very funny thing. And most of the time when we think of grief, we think of people losing other people. Losing lovers, parents, siblings or children. We think of unspeakable tragedy, we think of lives being lost too soon. When someone says, I lost my ___________  we understand that it's sad. We understand that we don't understand, and we understand that grief is a process that people experience in different stages and ways. Take this example, when I was at work once, perhaps at some point last year, I received a phone call from a staff member's family. It's not someone who had ever rung the shop before, and all they said was that my colleague should call them when they could. I could tell from his tone that it must have been serious. My colleague calls back during his break, and obviously it's a personal call because he leaves out the back door to take it. He's gone for quite a while. When he comes back, everything seems okay. He just seems a bit q
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What It Means To Be In A Committed Relationship

I think it can go without saying that most people are perhaps afraid of commitment. And, it can be scary. No matter what it's for, commitment can be something that can feel too big, too ominous. I'm not going to talk about the psychology of commitment issues, because I don't really think that's my place to do so. It's not my place to do so, one because I'm not a trained psychologist, and two because I don't really believe that it all stems from a psychological place. I think there's an inherent human fear of commitment. Because to be committed to something means that you are absolutely 100% certain that whatever it is is something that you want. And when I talk about commitment, it doesn't just cover relationships or friendships, it covers everything that could be covered by the blanket term of commitment. It means even the silly things like committing to a movie, a TV show or even a dinner at a nice restaurant. It's all in different contexts,
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Looking To The Past

It's human nature to be afraid of change. And I think we become afraid of change because most of us are creatures of habit, and most of us like to stay in a little bubble. In that bubble we have everything that we need, we have our comfort zone, and our comfort zone is where we feel safe. And there's nothing wrong with having a comfort zone, it's natural and healthy. In a sense, our comfort zones keep us safe, they keep us grounded, and they might even help us make choices that are right for us. I say this because at the end of the day, the ones that know us the best are ourselves. People often say that we are the protagonists' of our own lives, and they would be right. I never truly understood what it meant when I was younger, but I think I do now. No matter how often we feel like our lives don't belong to us, that we're incapable of making decisions that we want to make, so long as we take care of ourselves, things will fall into place. The thing is that life
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Depression Deluxe!™️ (Now Including Self Awareness!)

Mental health is a funny thing. We live in a time when we're more open, more honest, more willing to learn and listen about people's experiences, but it's still not enough. There is still a massive stigma attached to talking about mental health, admitting that you have a problem; or, in my personal experience, disbelief that I could have a problem, because on the surface, I have everything that someone needs to be happy. So, it's easier to not saying about it. It's easier to let people believe and say whatever they want, because they don't want to be educated. They say they do, but as soon as you mention you struggle mentally, suddenly, you're someone they don't know. You're an alien. And, I've been guilty of this too, I have been guilty of treating people differently when I find out that they may be struggling. And that's difficult. It's difficult to know how to treat them, because the dynamic will change, there's no way to get ar
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The Reality of Long Distance

I have been in a long distance relationship for close to a year and a half. And recently I've been thinking about how the world sees long distance and what it's actually like. You may think that you understand long distance, but I can assure you, with as much respect that I can muster that you absolutely do not. The only people that understand long distance are the people that have done it. Long distance is in equal parts amazing and awful. There's something about long distance that can't be replicated in any other relationship, especially if you're with the right person. A long time ago, I was in another long distance relationship, and even though I thought I loved the person I was with, it didn't work. In my mind I had planned out possible routes that our future could head down. The problem? I was the only one thinking about it. Long distance is entirely contingent on both people being on the same page, if you aren't, then I'm sorry to say that you
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Expectation V Reality

Let's talk about self image. Self image obviously means something different to different people, and perhaps that seems a bit silly to point out, but it's true. One of the things that my family consistently brings up is that I should try harder to understand that not everyone views the world like I do. And I do. I really truly do. And I am a deeply empathetic person, to the point where I feel like an emotional sponge. I just soak up the excess of other people's hurt, maybe it's because I want them to know that I'm there for them, or maybe it's because I don't want them to think that I'm being insensitive to what they're going through, or maybe it's just because that's just the way I am. I don't know. I just know that I continually put more on my plate than I can handle. My mum, who is a deeply wonderful person, is also an unapologetic perfectionist. And, growing up with that wasn't always easy. But please don't misunderstand, m
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A Non Americans View On Gun Violence

Here's how I found out about the shooting in El Paso yesterday. My boyfriend texted me, and as I glanced at the message through the lock screen- I couldn't see the full thing. When I pulled the notification down, I saw that the rest of the message said 'back home', and back home meant El Paso. I didn't feel the heartbreak my boyfriend felt upon receiving the news. It was sad and awful, and I felt so bad for him and I wanted to do whatever I could to help, but a terrible, awful part of me was relieved that it wasn't in his city. That he was safe. And here's where the first problems stem. If it's not someone you know or love, then it's someone else's loved one. If someone you love is safe, that means that someone else was condemned to death. And that to me, is awful. Disgusting. Nobody should be dying. Nobody should be dying because they went to go buy their damned groceries. It is senseless, pointless, abhorrent crimes for nothing. It's hatre
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